Ross Alexander 1/30/21 Ross Alexander 1/30/21

Caledonia, You're Calling Me

Now I’m Coming Home.

Hejdå Sverige!

Jeez, I guess it’s been a while since I last posted in here, huh?

So if the title didn’t give it away, I wanted to record my feelings around my decision to leave Stockholm, after almost 4 years in the land of fermented herring, Volvos and dill flavoured everything.

If I’m being honest, it’s hard to compile the last 4 years into a single post. I was a very different person when I moved over here. My life was totally different to what it is today, and this goes beyond the obvious differences. I doubt I’ll fully comprehend how my time here has changed me until I have a little distance on it.

When I moved here with Kara in 2017, we had next to nothing in our pockets and the first few months were quite nerve wracking as we came to terms with the costs associated with living in the middle of the hipster part of town, in a tiny flat that barely gave us any space to sit apart.

Avalanche took good care of me though, and have consistently walked the walk when it comes to their promise to take care of their people. I can think of no better example than their current willingness to let me leave Stockholm, move home and continue working remotely on an indefinite basis.

So that’s what I’ll be doing. Come the end of February / start of March, I’ll be returning home to my family home in Perth. Covid and Brexit obviously make things a little tricky, but if all goes to plan I’ll be back in my childhood bedroom once again, making videogames and making excuses for the posters on my pin-poked walls. There’ll be a couple of weeks where I can’t do anything due to Covid regulations, but after that I’ll be out looking for a new place to sleep and build a home office. I’ve grown quite fond of having my own space since I moved to my current flat in August.

There’s a few reasons why I’ve decided to come home, and considering them has made me confident that this was the right choice for me.

Living in Perth brings me closer to family and a community that I feel like I fit into.
I can afford a much higher quality of life in Perth.
I can begin planning the next stage of my life.
I get to keep my amazing job.

My friends and family will undoubtedly have rolled their eyes as I play the typical Brit abroad, complaining about the food options while simultaneously putting on weight. While part of me does want to add a “Reason 5: Food” to the list, it’s honestly not the biggest problem and I’ve learned to cook a lot of recipes from back home during the last year while I was unable to return home to stock up.

It honestly feels like the best of both worlds, to be able to keep working at Avalanche and to also be able to progress my own personal life goals. Back home, I can afford to save for a mortgage, live in a house bigger than a shoebox and hopefully learn to drive. From there, I am several steps closer to living in a cottage in the middle of nowhere with at least a dog for company.

Land Of Opportunity

Sweden has undoubtedly been full of positive experiences for me. I’ve encountered setbacks and things have definitely not been easy, but I am coming home as a much more mature person, a more self-reflective human and an objectively more experienced and capable game developer. When we moved over, we didn’t know how long we’d be staying, and given how much we struggled at first, it looked like a year would be a victory.

I think that for me personally, the welcome I got from my friends and colleagues at Avalanche was a huge part of what kept my morale afloat in those early days. I still vividly remember our first outing was going to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2 with my friend Alisa, who was like the Avalanche welcoming committee. Since then, I’ve developed an amazing group of friends within the studio that I will come back to visit as often as I can. The studio’s fondness for parties has also given me ample opportunities to develop friendships with people I’ve barely even worked with. The collaborative nature of game development and the open and friendly environment inside the Stockholm studio really has helped me to feel like part of the team.

As well as my wonderful friendships built at work, there’s my brothers and sisters that I have met during my time with the Stockholm Berserkers. I recall my first time approaching a Berserkers training session, the day after my 30th birthday in the (surprisingly, alarmingly) hot Stockholm summer sun. Stockholm empties during July, and so the first session I attended was a modestly attended affair, where I was reminded of every single one of the 13 years since I’d last pulled on some rugby boots. The session was painful and humbling, and to be honest, that’s a big part of the rugby experience! It wasn’t long after this that I was playing my first game as a Berserker, scoring my first try in my first game with them and running my first naked lap of the pitch as part of my forfeit.

In the intervening years, I’ve been proud to call myself not only a Berserker, but a coach as well. A lot of trust was put in me, and I got my first proper chance to coach at a ladies training camp on a soggy autumn weekend, where the Berserkers hosted women from Karlstad and Åland. From there, my experience and confidence grew, and with the support of a wonderful rugby family, I got to be a part of the Berserkers Men’s first league victory in 2019, both as a player and a coach.

The adventure of going to Amsterdam for the Bingham cup (see previous blog from 2018) is now pure gold in my memory. At the time it hurt and I was constantly tired, with allergies going insane, but I won’t ever forget the bonds that were forged during that tour.

Vi Ses

Like I said before, it’s really difficult to compress 4 years of living in Sweden down to a few pages. I am extremely sorry that due to Covid it’s not possible for me to host a going away party, but I hope you know that this isn’t goodbye forever. I will be back to visit when I can, and I will be just as keen as ever to hug and laugh and joke with you all. Don’t be strangers, and know that once I’m all set up, I will gladly accommodate guests that want to visit and explore the highlands with me.

To all my friends and family back home in Scotland, know that as soon as it’s safe to do so, I’ll be coming to hug all of you.

Ross Alexander 4/1/18 Ross Alexander 4/1/18

Ett år i Sverige

It's been a year in Sweden! What's been happening? Have I learned anything?

Jag trivs i Sverige

Today; the first of April, 2018 marks the first anniversary of Kara and I setting out to live in Stockholm. In fact, on this particular anniversary, Kara is traveling home from Scotland. Making an almost identical trip as she returns from seeing friends and working at the Scottish tattoo convention.

Our little apartment on the island of Södermalm has been a base of operations for beautiful walks around the city in summer and the site of a couple of dinner parties, which was something we so rarely did before, being the self-imposed hermits that we were. The proximity of our workplaces to our apartment has been truly appreciated through our first winter in Stockholm, as we realised just how deep and treacherous the snow gets here. Of course, my closeness to work didn't stop me from slipping on ice and opening up my knee on the sharp stones that Stockholm city council uses instead of grit. In true Ross fashion, it was just while I was checking to make sure that everyone in my group had shoes equipped for the detour I had just decided to take. Suffice it to say that despite my allergies and general distaste for warm weather, I am looking forward to the weather clearing slightly.

Getting this off the ground has taken a lot of work, but it's fun!

My little table in the corner of the living room has also been the place where I've done most of the work for my new podcast which is slow-going, but for all the best reasons. First of all, researching for a Podcast isn't something I've ever had to do before. The effort involved is a part-time job in of itself. A full-time job if I'd planned to get one out weekly. This is a good thing, as it's giving me a lot of satisfaction to make sure I'm researching properly, even if I know it's all for nought if I never get around to recording and releasing the bloody thing.

Teambuilding at work involved silver-smithing a set of rings for the team.

The second thing holding me back from releasing a regular podcast is the fact that I actually leave the house in the evenings these days. Between hanging out with Kara, going to our nearby cinema or just hanging out on a Sunday afternoon to watch a Ghibli movie, it's really nice to have options that involve going for walks around an old city or seeing friends. Speaking of friends, this past year has introduced me to some of the most lovely, charming, interesting and caring people I've ever had the luck to meet. As a couple who don't go out drinking, living in a city where 3 rum and cokes in a pub cost roughly the same as a nice bottle of rum back home didn't seem like the best set-up for making friends. That prediction failed to account for the wonderful colleagues that I have become close to in the last year, and the team-mates from the Stockholm Berserkers who have welcomed me into their fold.

I've never trained for rugby indoors before, but these guys make it fun!

When I first considered the move to Stockholm, the first thing I did was look at rugby teams and the possibility that I could jump back into the sport after 13 years away. While I had considered that my years spent playing 4 days a week would make me an asset to a team who needed a 19st packhorse, I hadn't pictured that within 6 months, I'd be helping to coach the team. In the past few months, I've been attempting to up my game, both literally and figuratively, as I come to terms with being expected to know what I'm doing on the pitch. This has involved late nights, poring over videos of rugby drills, playbook moves & the basic laws of the game, which have changed a bit since I played at 18. It's a challenge that I'm enjoying, and I'm looking forward to a camp next weekend, where hopefully we can put it all into practice.

So things are going well in Stockholm, but like everywhere, it has its downsides. It's incredibly expensive to live here, which was the only downside I had when we moved. In my first year, I also learned that Brits shouldn't have to be mocked for the blandness of British cuisine. Admittedly, our love of curry comes from horrific imperialist colonialisation, but if you want a good curry in Stockholm, it's probably best to learn how to make it yourself. We live next door to a curry house that tends to be quite busy at the weekends, but having sampled some, I just don't think that Swedes have the same standards for curry that a Brit might be expected to have. On top of the aversion to strong spices, Swedes are also obsessed with some of the worst flavours in existence; especially when it comes to sweets. I already knew about licorice and cinnamon being dramatically over-represented in Swedish cuisine, and I was aware of the horror that is Surströmming, but I've also discovered that they love food in tubes. Caviar, prawn mayonnaise & cat vomit all seem to be popular options. I assume that this is a diet choice that makes it easier to transition onto pureed food in later years.

The other thing I've learned about Stockholm that is unfortunate, is that it has a communal mentality that reminds me a little bit of London. While Swedes love their friends and are certainly bigger huggers than Kara and myself, (anyone who knows Kara's stance on hugs will probably laugh at that bit) the general feeling as you walk around Stockholm is a bit more cold, with people pushing in front of you, not even smiling if you hold a door open for them or glaring at you for wearing shorts in the winter months. Ok, that last one might be very specific to me, but I think it's still a poor show.

All things considered, Sweden is working out really well for me, and I am determined to make the most of my time in this wonderful country. The rugby team will have some games out of town this season, and I'm looking forward to seeing more than just the little towns and villages that used to be distinct, but are now just outer suburbs of Stockholm. Will year 2 match or even beat year 1? With Kara and I planning some holidays and a new group of wonderful friends, I look forward to finding out!

From the day we visited the Aquarium in Stockholm. It was too cold for smiles.

Farväl för nu mina vänner!